He's back...
Paul Shirley is back with more, and this is definitely a good thing, because in my estimation he has to be one of the funniest 6’10” writers in the world.
Granted, I don’t personally know anyone even remotely that tall. Nor do I regularly research the bodily dimensions of my favorite humorists (now dramatists, that is a completely different story…). But nonetheless, I feel I can safely say that Mr. Shirley puts the rest of his altitudinous brethren and sistren to shame in the humor category.
I first came to this conclusion after having read his “Road Ramblings”, an online journal written about a 5 game trip undertaken by him and his employer, the Phoenix Suns. For you see, Shirley is not one of those everyday normal tall people who work at the cube next to you at the office; no – instead, he is an NBA basketball player. But Shaquille O’Neal or Kevin Garnett or [insert your favorite NBA superstar or even semi-star or even 12 minute a game quality role playing contributor here] he is not – Shirley is the quintessential 12th man, relegated to the far end of the bench, who enumerates his responsibilities thusly:
Notice that actually playing basketball does not figure heavily in to that list. The man rarely plays in game situations: in total this season he has compiled 30 minutes, which averages out to about 3.3 minutes a game. His total output on his 5 game roadtrip was, as he described it: “Min: 0, TP[total points]: 0, FG%: Undefined. Bravo.” Indeed, while discussing how little he actually plays, he very humorously describes his mindset upon realizing that he may actually get into a game:
However, one should not have the impression that his entire career has been that way. Rather, instead of his entire career having been spent entirely as a very highly paid cheerleader/wry observer/emergency 4th option, his career has been characterized by the typical difficulties and frustrations that regularly afflict basketball journeymen. Since graduating from Iowa State (where he went as far as the Elite Eight in the NCAA tournament) with a degree in mechanical engineering and prior to playing for the Suns this season, Shirley has played for 2 other NBA teams (the Chicago bulls and the Atlanta Hawks), a United States Basketball League (USBL) team (the Dodge City Legend) (I had no idea such a league even existed…), a Greek Basketball League team (Panionios), a Continental Basketball Association (CBA) team (the Yakima Sun Kings), and a Europe League team (two [?] stints with УНИКС [Unics] in Kazan, Russia, the first [?] of which ended this way).
Indeed, it was this traveling around the world that led Shirley to start writing. He took the opportunity of all of the free time he had in these new and strange locales to write weekly email reports of his journeys to friends and families. The sarcastic witticisms, inside-perspective observations, and refreshing honesty that characterized these messages from the front can again be found in his recent efforts in online journaling (he dislikes the term blog, saying[scroll down for the Shirley section]: "I realize that the accepted term is "blog," I tend to shy away from that word as it seems more appropriate as a surrogate for other words. For example, to avoid the rampant censorship, should I ever re-start the journal, I may attempt to introduce the word blog in situations such as the following: "The referee then turned to Bo Outlaw and said, 'Bo, shut your [blog]ging mouth. And quit [blog]ging dancing.'" Basically, I am nominating the word as a replacement for the antiquated *&^#• from the Beetle Bailey days of the 1950s), and these characteristics have translated well into the NBA’s new attempts to use technology to allow fans to get closer to the game.
And, at least in my humble opinion, it is this combination of biting sarcasm, inside observation, and candidness, along with an obvious talent for writing and intelligence, that make Shirley’s writing such a joy to read. In the words of sometimes very funny (and sometimes equally annoying) sports columnist Bill Simmons (whose writings Shirley’s can resemble at times, though Shirley has yet to fall into some of the very annoying characteristics that permeate some of Simmons’s work), “thanks to [Shirley’s] ongoing blog on NBA.com we could finally have an answer to the question, "What would it be like if one our friends was an NBA player and sent us e-mails about his life every few days?"” This down to earthness is bolstered by the fact that despite the fact he is making somewhere in the neighborhood of $700,000 a year, he is very down to earth and recognizes the fantastic opportunities he’s been given. He regularly devotes time in his journal to discussing what an awesome job he has and how lucky he is, while at the same time poking fun at the attitudes and demeanors of some of his less-then-savory and less-than-thankful fellow NBAers.
(Also great is his style, in which he tends toward verbosity at times [a quote from his journal: “(That was an example of some unneeded verbosity. When I sign my book deal, someone will have to teach me how to actually write.)”] and uses multiple parenthetical phrases:
Unfortunately, as it stands now, his journaling will come to an end at the end of the Suns playoff run. And with the end of that run might come the end of Shirley’s tenure with the Suns (his contract expires at the end of this year, if I am not mistaken). It seems to me that if they decide not to re-sign him as a player at the end of the season that they should hire him to chronicle the team full time. The amount of fans that such a move should win the team would be well worth their while, and surely Shirley (couldn’t resist) could and would be willing to basically continue doing exactly as he is doing now minus the pretending to be a basketball player part. True, he would make less money; but, on the other hand, he would still be working in phoenix rather than living in a bad hotel in Siberia (ok, I know – Kazan isn’t actually in Siberia).
So, for the one of you who actually made it through this entire lengthy post, to sum it up (don’t you wish I had provided this summary at the beginning rather than the end?):
Read Paul Shirley’s online journals. The first one, "Paul Shirley’s Road Ramblings" is located at: http://www.nba.com/suns/news/shirley_blog.html, and the latest one, "Paul on the Playoffs", is located at: http://www.nba.com/suns/news/shirley_playoff_blog.html. I can’t stress this enough. The man is really pure hilarity, even if you aren’t necessarily anything more than a very casual basketball fan.
Also (just when you thought you were free!), for those of you who can’t get enough of Mr. Shirley, there is a video clip that features our favorite vertically-endowed writer taken from a produced-for-the-internet show done by the Suns on the Suns website that is decently entertaining. In addition to Paul’s funniness, there are two great moments of unintentional comedy: 1) when co-host Cedric Ceballos (some may remember his blindfolded dunk that won him the 1992 NBA Slam Dunk Contest) says of Shirley: “he’s great with the typin'” (wow, what a compliment!), and 2) other co-host Jamie Morris’s response to Shirley’s discussion of his reading tastes. When asked what he is currently reading, Shirley goes into an answer about how he just read a Hunter S. Thompson book and starts talking about Gonzo journalism etc., and then says he is reading a Norman Mailer book that is also sort of pseudo-journalistic and talks about how both are applicable to his situation because in both the authors are putting themselves in particular positions and then reporting about what is going on around them. He finishes by saying: “so that’s been kind of an interesting confluence of events for me”, to which co-host Jamie replies in a completely un-enthusiastic, that went way over my head and you lost me at hello manner, “very nice”. It’s great. (Also, note if you decide you wish to watch the clip, be aware that there will be two short commercials before the ‘show’ starts, and that Shirley’s segment of the show doesn’t start until about 4 minutes into the main video).
Granted, I don’t personally know anyone even remotely that tall. Nor do I regularly research the bodily dimensions of my favorite humorists (now dramatists, that is a completely different story…). But nonetheless, I feel I can safely say that Mr. Shirley puts the rest of his altitudinous brethren and sistren to shame in the humor category.
I first came to this conclusion after having read his “Road Ramblings”, an online journal written about a 5 game trip undertaken by him and his employer, the Phoenix Suns. For you see, Shirley is not one of those everyday normal tall people who work at the cube next to you at the office; no – instead, he is an NBA basketball player. But Shaquille O’Neal or Kevin Garnett or [insert your favorite NBA superstar or even semi-star or even 12 minute a game quality role playing contributor here] he is not – Shirley is the quintessential 12th man, relegated to the far end of the bench, who enumerates his responsibilities thusly:
1. Showing up for buses, practices, games, etc. on time. 2. Refraining from causing undue stress to anyone by misbehaving on road trips or wading into the stands to attack fans. 3. Practicing hard when given the opportunity. 4. Entering games when my team is up by an insurmountable margin and attempting to break the shots-per-minute record.
Notice that actually playing basketball does not figure heavily in to that list. The man rarely plays in game situations: in total this season he has compiled 30 minutes, which averages out to about 3.3 minutes a game. His total output on his 5 game roadtrip was, as he described it: “Min: 0, TP[total points]: 0, FG%: Undefined. Bravo.” Indeed, while discussing how little he actually plays, he very humorously describes his mindset upon realizing that he may actually get into a game:
I began considering the possibility that there could very well be a bit of playing time in the offing and started paying at least cursory attention to what was going on in timeouts, in case Coach D’Antoni said something like, “From now on tonight, everyone will be shooting with his left hand. Deviation from this plan of attack will result in castration immediately following the game.” I would really hate to miss one of those instructions, come out firing, and because of my own mental lapse, ruin the rest of my life.
However, one should not have the impression that his entire career has been that way. Rather, instead of his entire career having been spent entirely as a very highly paid cheerleader/wry observer/emergency 4th option, his career has been characterized by the typical difficulties and frustrations that regularly afflict basketball journeymen. Since graduating from Iowa State (where he went as far as the Elite Eight in the NCAA tournament) with a degree in mechanical engineering and prior to playing for the Suns this season, Shirley has played for 2 other NBA teams (the Chicago bulls and the Atlanta Hawks), a United States Basketball League (USBL) team (the Dodge City Legend) (I had no idea such a league even existed…), a Greek Basketball League team (Panionios), a Continental Basketball Association (CBA) team (the Yakima Sun Kings), and a Europe League team (two [?] stints with УНИКС [Unics] in Kazan, Russia, the first [?] of which ended this way).
Indeed, it was this traveling around the world that led Shirley to start writing. He took the opportunity of all of the free time he had in these new and strange locales to write weekly email reports of his journeys to friends and families. The sarcastic witticisms, inside-perspective observations, and refreshing honesty that characterized these messages from the front can again be found in his recent efforts in online journaling (he dislikes the term blog, saying[scroll down for the Shirley section]: "I realize that the accepted term is "blog," I tend to shy away from that word as it seems more appropriate as a surrogate for other words. For example, to avoid the rampant censorship, should I ever re-start the journal, I may attempt to introduce the word blog in situations such as the following: "The referee then turned to Bo Outlaw and said, 'Bo, shut your [blog]ging mouth. And quit [blog]ging dancing.'" Basically, I am nominating the word as a replacement for the antiquated *&^#• from the Beetle Bailey days of the 1950s), and these characteristics have translated well into the NBA’s new attempts to use technology to allow fans to get closer to the game.
And, at least in my humble opinion, it is this combination of biting sarcasm, inside observation, and candidness, along with an obvious talent for writing and intelligence, that make Shirley’s writing such a joy to read. In the words of sometimes very funny (and sometimes equally annoying) sports columnist Bill Simmons (whose writings Shirley’s can resemble at times, though Shirley has yet to fall into some of the very annoying characteristics that permeate some of Simmons’s work), “thanks to [Shirley’s] ongoing blog on NBA.com we could finally have an answer to the question, "What would it be like if one our friends was an NBA player and sent us e-mails about his life every few days?"” This down to earthness is bolstered by the fact that despite the fact he is making somewhere in the neighborhood of $700,000 a year, he is very down to earth and recognizes the fantastic opportunities he’s been given. He regularly devotes time in his journal to discussing what an awesome job he has and how lucky he is, while at the same time poking fun at the attitudes and demeanors of some of his less-then-savory and less-than-thankful fellow NBAers.
(Also great is his style, in which he tends toward verbosity at times [a quote from his journal: “(That was an example of some unneeded verbosity. When I sign my book deal, someone will have to teach me how to actually write.)”] and uses multiple parenthetical phrases:
(I should note that, by taking this course of argument I am, in fact, railing against myself because really, who the hell am I and why should anyone put any stock in what I write? The good news is that I have not been told that I am an expert on, well, anything, so I have not been given carte blanch to begin yelling about why I think the Chiefs got a steal in the fourth round with the drafting of Craphonso Thorpe [New feature--in-parenthetical parenthetical expressions. How about Craphonso for a name? One would have to become a football player just to take out the aggression that would build up from having that for a moniker. I doubt he ever heard, “Hey, Crap-Honzo, catch the damn ball,” back in school. Seriously, though, who approved that on the birth certificate? There needs to be some sort of watch-dog organization for these things.] Basically, I write what is the direct channeling of a very strange brain, and should be treated as such.)Gee, can you guess why I might relate to him?)
Unfortunately, as it stands now, his journaling will come to an end at the end of the Suns playoff run. And with the end of that run might come the end of Shirley’s tenure with the Suns (his contract expires at the end of this year, if I am not mistaken). It seems to me that if they decide not to re-sign him as a player at the end of the season that they should hire him to chronicle the team full time. The amount of fans that such a move should win the team would be well worth their while, and surely Shirley (couldn’t resist) could and would be willing to basically continue doing exactly as he is doing now minus the pretending to be a basketball player part. True, he would make less money; but, on the other hand, he would still be working in phoenix rather than living in a bad hotel in Siberia (ok, I know – Kazan isn’t actually in Siberia).
So, for the one of you who actually made it through this entire lengthy post, to sum it up (don’t you wish I had provided this summary at the beginning rather than the end?):
Read Paul Shirley’s online journals. The first one, "Paul Shirley’s Road Ramblings" is located at: http://www.nba.com/suns/news/shirley_blog.html, and the latest one, "Paul on the Playoffs", is located at: http://www.nba.com/suns/news/shirley_playoff_blog.html. I can’t stress this enough. The man is really pure hilarity, even if you aren’t necessarily anything more than a very casual basketball fan.
Also (just when you thought you were free!), for those of you who can’t get enough of Mr. Shirley, there is a video clip that features our favorite vertically-endowed writer taken from a produced-for-the-internet show done by the Suns on the Suns website that is decently entertaining. In addition to Paul’s funniness, there are two great moments of unintentional comedy: 1) when co-host Cedric Ceballos (some may remember his blindfolded dunk that won him the 1992 NBA Slam Dunk Contest) says of Shirley: “he’s great with the typin'” (wow, what a compliment!), and 2) other co-host Jamie Morris’s response to Shirley’s discussion of his reading tastes. When asked what he is currently reading, Shirley goes into an answer about how he just read a Hunter S. Thompson book and starts talking about Gonzo journalism etc., and then says he is reading a Norman Mailer book that is also sort of pseudo-journalistic and talks about how both are applicable to his situation because in both the authors are putting themselves in particular positions and then reporting about what is going on around them. He finishes by saying: “so that’s been kind of an interesting confluence of events for me”, to which co-host Jamie replies in a completely un-enthusiastic, that went way over my head and you lost me at hello manner, “very nice”. It’s great. (Also, note if you decide you wish to watch the clip, be aware that there will be two short commercials before the ‘show’ starts, and that Shirley’s segment of the show doesn’t start until about 4 minutes into the main video).
posted by Josh Peterson at 4:58 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home